Meredith: “Apathy kills, Hank.” Hank: “I don’t care.” “Californication” (Season 1, Episode 4)

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer… I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. – Unknown (source)

How do Hutts program their computers? Jabba-script – @DepressedDarth (source)

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey (source)

W.C. Fields said a wonderful thing about professional comedians. He said if a man dresses up as an old woman and putters on the street and falls down a manhole, most people laugh. But to make a professional comedian laugh, it really has to be an old woman. – John Cleese (source)

Casey: What is going on here? Big Mike: Store’s being bought. They’re canning everybody except Bartowski and Grimes. Jeff: We’re staging a revolution to take down the man. Casey: I want in. Lester: How do we know that we can trust you, son? That you’re not some kind of spy for the man? Casey: Because the only thing I hate more than hippie neo-liberal fascists and anarchists… are the hypocrite fat-cat suits they eventually grow up to become.